K.J.Heritage

K.J.Heritage is a UK author of mystery/crime sci-fi and epic fantasy—all with a strong emphasis on action and adventure and occasionally a little humour. Find out more

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4 days ago

KJ Heritage

Tea

BBC Three
Liam Gallagher making tea is the best thing you'll see today.
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Comment on Facebook

The sweariest making tea ever! 😂🤐

Tea!

1 week ago

KJ Heritage

‪Now watching Philip K Dick inspired 'Electric Dreams' - one of my favourite authors. Let's hope channel 4 do a good job...‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪Now watching Philip K Dick inspired Electric Dreams - one of my favourite authors. Lets hope channel 4 do a good job...‬

 

Comment on Facebook

want to see this!

‪Electric Dreams Episode One - 'The Hoodmaker' - so far so good 😀‬

Yep we are giving it a go... Will reconvene later 😊

What did you think? I enjoyed it mostly, except that visually, in parts it looked like a cheap Blade Runner knockoff with Cortinas instead of flying cars 😂

My favourite Philip K Dick quote

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5 days ago

KJ Heritage

#ScienceFiction and #Fantasy Fans - Get FREE books and win a Kindle Fire or one of two $25 Amazon Gift Cards www.pktyler.com/specfic/ ... See MoreSee Less

6 days ago

KJ Heritage

Happy birthday! 🍻🍻🍻 ... See MoreSee Less

1 week ago

KJ Heritage

‪Drink it up! Things are getting pretty exciting in my world... #NewFloor‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪Drink it up! Things are getting pretty exciting in my world... #NewFloor‬

1 week ago

Rosie Ruston

👐 ... See MoreSee Less

👐

Comment on Facebook

I have been the victim of a few "death grips"..unpleasant and painful!

Please don't come on here teaching women how to do manly handshakes. It is the last manly bastion of things we do better than you. Has the assault by women kind come to this now? 😀

Always keep eye contact - just for the eroticism of the moment. And ALWAYS wear a hat.

1 week ago

KJ Heritage

‪The idea to get Quick-Kill 3 started has just popped into my head. Thank you subconscious 😀‬ ... See MoreSee Less

2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

‪If music be the food of love, what be the food of hate? I'd certainly nominate celery...‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪If music be the food of love, what be the food of hate? Id certainly nominate celery...‬

 

Comment on Facebook

Shellfish (allergic) and blue cheese (because it's rank)

Butter beans!!!! 😣😖🤐

It's actually a close contest between coffee revels and butter beans for me.

Anything with cinnamon in it.

Love a warm cinnamon roll.

Mushrooms are the devil's arse biscuits.

Celery or kidney.

Cod roe, the thing that comes in a tin, then sliced and fried. It induces a vomit reflex in me!

PS: I like celery, esp with hummus dip.

oh noooo...I love celery.....

celery has no taste---I eat it with peanut butter

An interesting fact about celery is that you expend more calories digesting it than you get from digesting it. So good as a dieting tool, but only for masochists...

yes, I've been aware of that fact since childhood---my mother was always making me diet

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2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Check out the Gravity City anthology's writers other stuff!

Christopher Valin - Sidekick - a.co/bGJfsmU
Michael Ezell - Smiley - a.co/3mLMh0a
Monica Enderle Pierce - Girl Under Glass - a.co/foL0KCz
Deborah Kappes-Cassidy - The Sleepless - a.co/4V5aIxi
Caroline A. Gill - Flying Away - a.co/6Pa9iEo
Stephen Lomer - Typo Squad - a.co/6gTp3Sp
KJ Heritage - Quick Kill and the Galactic Secret Service - a.co/fUFz9wc
Artie Cabrera - I'M NOT DEAD - a.co/2aD5Mx5
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2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Off to a diner party as someone's guest and don't know anyone else. Didn't know it was a dinner party either. Small talk. Hates it. Stressed out. 😱 ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Covertly take the micky out of the other guests so that only u know it's happening! Amuse yourself 😁

Could work in your favour not knowing anybody, easier to get them to jabber on about themselves

Hmm u could just ask everyone what the do for a living ... I still think some form of Mickey taking is more fun ..

In the taxi now. Doomed man

You will be fine Kev... I was not feeling at all sociable last night but pushed myself in to a game of 6 a side football with workmates .. I'm now a cripple but I'm glad I did it ... Even tho at the time I did not want to be around people ...

Ooh I feel your awkward in this, not my bag either. Just enjoy the free food is all I can offer up, (no good advice sadly!)

No useful advice but there must be an F1 fan there x

Be yourself and you'll (1) have a good time or (2) be home soon 💪

Still here. Have talked to three people. Haha

I hear ya. I'm the worst, especially with other dudes, I just zone out as soon as sport is mentioned and disappear into the shadows.

Without blowing smoke up your arse, I can't imagine a better person to bump into at a dinner party. I always found you charming company who led conversations on a great range of topics. Your asd gives you a skewed view of how others perceive you 😊.

a lot of people are socially awkward, me included. but I'm a loud mouthy introvert, so there's that.

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3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

My daily 1,500 words leapt out my fingers this morning unlike yesterday's painful wrenching. Ack!

Vatic Book 2 'Ariadne' Draft One will be finished sometime this week 😀

I've finally joined up with my ending I wrote first all those months ago. A few minor changes needed - it's a different bad guy now/or gal! - and Draft 2 will be on its way...

Draft 2 is my favourite bit where I can add all that 'polish' - haha - or the 'flim flam' as it's also known.

Here's the provisional cover. The strapline is changing btw...
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My daily 1,500 words leapt out my fingers this morning unlike yesterdays painful wrenching. Ack!

Vatic Book 2 Ariadne Draft One will be finished sometime this week 😀

Ive finally joined up with my ending I wrote first all those months ago. A few minor changes needed - its a different bad guy now/or gal! - and Draft 2 will be on its way...

Draft 2 is my favourite bit where I can add all that polish - haha - or the flim flam as its also known.

Heres the provisional cover. The strapline is changing btw...

3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Lovely 5 Star review for Quick-Kill and the Galactic Secret Service: "Quick-Kill is a joy ride from page one as wise-cracking, tough-as-nails Quick-Kill Jane grabs your attention from first to last. Brilliant, well-written and most fun book I've enjoyed for years!" - and it's still free: smarturl.it/quick-kill ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Just read it on the plane home ... cracking read Kev !

3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

There are days when the writing leaps out of my fingertips with little or no effort 😍

And then there are days like today when every bloody word is wrenched, kicking and screaming from the ether 😡

Grr!
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3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

The Death of Stalin
Comrades! Celebrate the first ever trailer for The Death of Stalin, from our great leader Armando Iannucci. Escape your censored social(ist) newsfeed to watch the full trailer here: www.DeathOfStalin.co.uk
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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Presently in the 'I hate this story I'm working on... it's utter rubbish' phase. Always a pleasant place to be 😦😦😦 ... See MoreSee Less

Comment on Facebook

Oh, how I know that phase! Like walking through a lovely garden--covered in thorns and swarming with bees....

...Barefoot, with added broken glass and those are not bees... they're mutant killer asshole wasps!

And somehow the wasps are salting the earth and covering the glass in lemon-juice...

A tea, a walk, a stare at a tree for a bit... and then come back. You'll still hate it, but those things are good for the rest of your brain. 😉 Just finish it. Then your editor can deal with its problems. 😂

I have finished it and still don't like it. Gonna give it a week. Take another look and it's over to you.

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4 weeks ago

Jeroen Veldhuis

Never trusted that wee piece of bacon ... See MoreSee Less

Never trusted that wee piece of bacon

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

What to do... muck around on social media some more or restart work on Vatic 2? Hmmm. It's a knotty one... ... See MoreSee Less

What to do... muck around on social media some more or restart work on Vatic 2? Hmmm. Its a knotty one...

 

Comment on Facebook

I'd rather like to read that ....so get writing my man 😉

Aw bugga! I knew someone would say that

C'mon ....you're killing us with suspense here !!

Hopefully the sequel will do the same. Only 20K to go, so it'll be done for Novemberish time

The only problem? I don't know what the fuck is going on 😱

Oh dear ! A recap is in order ! And tea

It's my process... I never know what's going on. I have to solve the mystery just as much as Vatic. He managed it last time, so there is hope... 😂

Well let's hope u don't end up in the same peril and as close to death ! 😲

Don't worry. The biggest peril that happened to me recently was nearly running out of tea...

That was a bit irresponsible 😂

I live on the fucking edge, me

Any chance u will have it finished in time for me to read in my hols ?

I finished a book last week and started the next because it was getting too long. The Nuclear Genocide Ending. (WARNING! Contains nuclear genocide. If you have ever experienced an adverse or allergic effect from vast, epic amounts of nuclear fallout, then I strongly advise that you suit up heavily before reading the following passage. This ending is specifically written for those people who hate a happy ending and are willing to sacrifice Gigino, Higan and Lemli. The Mayor and his entourage. Jonnie! Farius and King Humphrey. Even, good old, fat, Bagbi Sellers. All blown into their fundamental atoms by a race obsessed with nuclear war. This was my solution, nuke everything, while you ponder an alternative ending.

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4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Just in case you didn't get to visit in person...

The Ultimate Awesome Page
Enterprise - D Virtual Tour (Bridge) by "Enterprise - D Construction Project".

www.enterprise3dproject.com
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Comment on Facebook

<3 O.M.G <3 <3 Make it so <3

I did the Star Trek the Experience in Las Vegas years ago and they had a mock up of the bridge that you got to tour and have your picture taken in the captain's chair. It was the most awesome thing ever!

Yeah, ok, it looks a lot better than Star Trek Online.

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

It's here at last! Quick-Kill and the 'Do or Die' - buy it today for only $0.99/£0.99 & help me get up the rankings smarturl.it/Quick-Kill2 ... See MoreSee Less

Its here at last! Quick-Kill and the Do or Die - buy it today for only $0.99/£0.99 & help me get up the rankings http://smarturl.it/Quick-Kill2

Comment on Facebook

I just finished reading Quick Kill #2. Bravo Kev! Another great read. Left a review on Amazon. People! Buy this book and read it!! It's a real steal at 99 cents!

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

‪Abandoned today's writing to watch the #BelgianGP - Hoping for some ☔️☔️☔️ to keep me awake 😂 m.facebook.com/groups/138611136524264... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Nice to see young Mick Schumacher driving his dad's old Benetton

Pretty car with those white wheel rims

What stunned me about Schumacher seniors wins in the Benetton was that they had a V8 to start with against the V10 in the Williams...😲

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Shame this is from the Daily Hate... but it's made my bank holiday weekend so far... www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgZ9_T-dAnU 😂😂😂This is the moment that a dog jumped straight into a rolling camera after attempting and failing to catch a frisbee. Pooch to the face! Hilarious moment dog ... ... See MoreSee Less

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Comment on Facebook

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

To celebrate today's release of Quick-Kill and the 'Do or Die' Part Two, QK Part one is FREE! for a limited time on all devices. Get your free copy now...

smarturl.it/QK1-Amzn
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To celebrate todays release of Quick-Kill and the Do or Die Part Two, QK Part one is FREE! for a limited time on all devices. Get your free copy now...

http://smarturl.it/QK1-Amzn

 

Comment on Facebook

Thanks Kev, I just grabbed it for the Kindle, I was looking for something to read when I go away. Well done with the new release.

Part two out today for only 0.99 smarturl.it/Quick-Kill2

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Didn't sleep well at all. Maybe it's the excitement of today's next Quick-Kill release? 'Properly knackered' as we say up north like. I dreamt I was in 'Lost In Space'. A show I haven't seen for nearly 20 years. 'Danger, Kev Heritage! Danger!' Maybe I should stay in bed? ... See MoreSee Less

Didnt sleep well at all. Maybe its the excitement of todays next Quick-Kill release? Properly knackered as we say up north like. I dreamt I was in Lost In Space. A show I havent seen for nearly 20 years. Danger, Kev Heritage! Danger! Maybe I should stay in bed?

 

Comment on Facebook

wow, where did you see it that recently? except for the movie with William Hurt-show hasn't been around since the 60s!--at least not on my channels! Did you know the original dad also played Zorro?

I have no idea. I used to love it as a kid. Just popped into my dreams for no reason I can work out. Maybe I wasn't aware of sparked it. My brain can be a little odd at the best of time...

4 weeks ago

K.J. Heritage Writerer

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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBUDDY! I'm up and ready to tackle today's prose. Big mug of loverly tea. Fingers poised over the plastic! #FridayFeeling ... See MoreSee Less

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBUDDY! Im up and ready to tackle todays prose. Big mug of loverly tea. Fingers poised over the plastic! #FridayFeeling

 

Comment on Facebook

That was my second mug by the way... I'm now a certified teapot user 😍

..looks good! one question Kev...how/when did you start writing? Has this always been your passion??

I started writing at school, I wasn't seen as A-stream material so instead of doing English O Level, I was put on the sub-standard CSE. To give you an idea - a grade 1 in CSE is equal to a 'C' grade at O-level. Stupid system. But part of the CSE examination was to write stories. I think I had to write one a week or something. I loved writing those stories. It soon became apparent that I was in the wrong stream and so they wanted me to go into the O Level class half way through that year. But they did boring stuff like grammar and past-participle whatnots. I still don't really know about all that - heresy! To to be honest, I don't need to know. I never learnt to read or write music either but it's never stopped me playing and writing songs. I decided to stick with the CSE and got my Grade 1. I wasn't a great writer, but it taught me that I could finish stories. It also introduced me to my pantster technique of writing stories with no clear idea of where I'm going. Those Wednesday afternoons all those years ago were spent on pure voyages of discovery. It seemed an impossible dream to be ever become like those sci-fi writers who's books I used to read non-stop. But now I is one 😱

thx very much for your honesty...very interesting and inspiring...sometimes dreams DO come true! 😉👌

I had to practice in between tho 😂

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2 months ago

Rosie Ruston

Ha, love it!

The Local News
If old schools ads where made for modern day giants!

Take a look🤓
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Comment on Facebook

They should be all smoking

2 months ago

KJ Heritage

Pootling off to Spain in a few hours 😀✈️😎☀️ ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

You got your drugged milkshake ready? Have a brill time 😊

Hasta la vista Kev.... 😎

Enjoy your time off ! 👌😎

Now enjoying the full-on glamour of Gatwick Airport 😂

In Spain. Have driven on the wrong of side of the road with only minor problems/crashes

Enjoy!

😀

Now back from pootling. Now recovering.

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2 months ago

Jeroen Veldhuis

😂😂😂

LOLWOT
This is perfect!
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Comment on Facebook

Only just sen this! Hehe

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

If you're a writer, please take a look at 'THE INDIE EDITOR' - 55 easy steps to get your book ready for publication: smarturl.it/IndieEd ... See MoreSee Less

If youre a writer, please take a look at THE INDIE EDITOR - 55 easy steps to get your book ready for publication: http://smarturl.it/IndieEd

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Quick-kill and the 'Do or Die' is released very, very soon. Please get in touch if you want to help with my marketing push 😀 ... See MoreSee Less

Quick-kill and the Do or Die is released very, very soon. Please get in touch if you want to help with my marketing push 😀

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Haha ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Wow! ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪Another day spent in my favourite Spanish beach bar! Just how am I going to cope when I have to go back to #Brexit UK? #1stWorldProblems ‬#Galicia ... See MoreSee Less

‪Another day spent in my favourite Spanish beach bar! Just how am I going to cope when I have to go back to #Brexit UK? #1stWorldProblems ‬#Galicia

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪Over on Twitter I've lost 12K followers since Brexit, Trump and the UK general election. And along the way, I must've certainly lost book sales.

The advice to authors that I've read time and time again is: 'do not be political online'.

But to write is to think. To have opinions. I can't write or live my life any other way.

Expect more of the same 😀
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Comment on Facebook

I wish I had 12k followers to lose 😢

You're not alone I'm sure. Their loss in my humble opinion. ☺️ We're on the same page, (no writer pun intended), Trump and brexit wise but even if we weren't I'd hate to think I was so fickle as to unfollow someone because they have a diff political view to mine, how sad, blinkered and intolerant some folk are. 😕

We are in extraordinary times. Keep on.

Flicking through Spanish TV last night and found the wonderful Total Recall. Still a cracker of a movie 😀 ... See MoreSee Less

Flicking through Spanish TV last night and found the wonderful Total Recall. Still a cracker of a movie 😀

 

Comment on Facebook

Running Man is worth revisiting too

Love it 😍

This film is exactly the sort of bollocks I was talking about. The bit where they get caught out on the surface and their eyes come out on stalks as they suffocate. Hilarious 😀

Haha. That's one of the best scenes. The whole movie has a plastic feel. Even Arnie's make-up. So that when they switch from Arnie to one of his fake faces it works.

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Bloody damn hot in Spain today... Scorchio! ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ but the weather may be changing youtube.com ... See MoreSee Less

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Comment on Facebook

too hot for me! how much longer are you there?

1 month ago

Martin Atkinson

The thing I really hate about science fiction is the “If we press this button, it will all be right.” Mechanism. And the unforgivable “If we do nothing but this, for an entire episode, then it will all be fine and no-one will notice” Assumption. Dr Who has dallied with the former so many times that is is now an accepted literary cliché and Star Trek has flirted with the latter so many times that they had to start listening to the people who were pointing out that they were doing it.

Actually, it's not all right to hide behind “Because it's science, ok?” And then spout some Geordi La Forge type bollocks to make it sound like the scriptwriters know what the fook they're talking about. If your manifold bypass conductors don't have a direct line to your transphase distributor, then this will cause an imbalance in your capacitance converter, everyone knows that, duh! Anyone who isn't already aware of this, let's face it, widely available information, probably deserves to have a meltdown in their core plasma relays.

The thing where Science Fiction saves itself these days is the, very hard to judge “Look, it's supposed to be this bollocks” Element. Star Trek 4 encapsulated this and they've been flogging it ever since and making it an art form. This was, basically, Star Trek owning their sillyness, again, and telling us they could save the whale. It is impossible to argue against that, to analyse it, to perhaps be critical of it. It is hard to maintain that a battered Klingon scout ship would have been torn apart by the gravity of our sun anyway, without, at the same time, sounding like you don't actually want to save the whale. They totally had us over a barrel with the bollocks in Star Trek 4. You were supposed to laugh at these great adventurers from The Sixties, come to set the world to rights, again.

It's a shame we still haven't got around to Saving The Whale. There have been breakthroughs and many setbacks. Their story continues, for now.
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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

1.800 words done today on my story for Gravity City and... and an actual sniff of an ending. I think I now know where it's going to go. Just a sniff, mind you. But it gives me hope 😀 ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

BBC Radio 4 debate with the guy who wrote a book on dieting denying Climate Change with a renowned meteorological scientist. It's happening more and more frequently... the only qualification these people have is being a rich member of the elite - which somehow gives them a platform to spout utter bollocks. Why? The BBC is falling into the same trap as the US media who give vast amounts of airtime to people who have no qualifications turning scientific debate into politics. The BBC is showing itself as the mouthpiece of the elite. And we pay for these jokers. ... See MoreSee Less

BBC Radio 4 debate with the guy who wrote a book on dieting denying Climate Change with a renowned meteorological scientist. Its happening more and more frequently... the only qualification these people have is being a rich member of the elite - which somehow gives them a platform to spout utter bollocks. Why? The BBC is falling into the same trap as the US media who give vast amounts of airtime to people who have no qualifications turning scientific debate into politics. The BBC is showing itself as the mouthpiece of the elite. And we pay for these jokers.

 

Comment on Facebook

In our post truth reality, the requirement of knowing what the fuck you're talking about is no longer relevant. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, everyone goes on about their opinion and 99% of people couldn't hope to grasp how uninformed and vacuous their opinion is, because they are surrounded by people who's opinion is equally as stupid and they're not really clever enough to tell.

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Another shabby writing day. Being an author sucks sometimes... 😂 ... See MoreSee Less

Another shabby writing day. Being an author sucks sometimes... 😂

2 months ago

KJ Heritage

I don't believe in writer's block. But I do believe in writer's not facing up to the fact that they should be writing - even when on holiday in Spain. Get your act together Kev! ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Holiday = not working. Enjoy yourself!

Haha. No such luxury

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ROGUE ONE – Too Many Whys

MAJOR SPOILERS! This is not some rant at a Star Wars movie. I’m a huge Star Wars fan and always will be. I really wanted to like Rogue One, but, for me, it was a confused mess that made little sense throughout. The problem? Too many whys.

I’ve now seen it again, hoping that my first viewing was just an off day or something. But if anything, I liked it even less.

Characters I didn’t get/like

None of the main characters jelled with me as they did in The Force Awakens.

Rogue One just didn’t work at the character level.

Unlike Rey and Finn, I got no sense of ‘who Jyn was’. She seemed a very flat character who I never got a handle on. Which was problematic as the story arc involves her influencing hard-nosed soldiers to follow her.

And as for Cassian? He lacked depth, charm and believability. Nearly everything he did was odds with who he was supposed to be—a calloused field agent.

And why didn’t Cassias pull the trigger to kill Jyn’s father, Galen Erso?

If he was this hard-nosed assassin type, he’d have no trouble following orders like this in the field.

And, importantly, there was no preceding scene to cement a relationship between Cassian and Jyn to prevent him pulling the trigger.

Jyn and Cassia - no sparks
No sparks here

Both characters were not portrayed deeply enough to justify their lead roles.

The ‘relationship’ between the two didn’t have time to blossom. Things simply moved too rapidly from one event to the next.

Also, why didn’t Jyn kill Director Orson Krennic when she had the chance on the tower?

Krennic killed Jyn’s mother and forced her father to create weapons of mass destruction.

Yet she allows Cassius to stop her doing this.

Just why would Cassian stop her?

He’s supposed to be a cold-blooded killer (we saw that in his first scene), so there’s no reason why he’d miss an opportunity to kill such a high-ranking member of the enemy.

Deep Impact - Tsunami Wave - Rogue One
Deep Impact – hold on tight Jyn

Why is Cassian indestructible?

He should have died during his epic fall inside the tower. His head hit the metal beams.

He must’ve had broken bones or at least broken ribs, but he bounces back as if nothing’s happened.

Why?

Because I think he was supposed to die and they brought him back for the different ending with Tea Leoni  and her father waiting to die on the beach, as they did in the movie, Deep Impact.

A lot has been written about the inclusion of ‘Asian characters’ in Rogue One.

I have no problem with racial types, aliens, women, homosexuality or gay, bright blue, furry xenomorphs in fiction, movies or any media.

Humans, like aliens, are fucking diverse. I love all that stuff.

But the Asian characters seemed to be added just for ‘effect’.

Chirrut Imre was dressed in Asian style. And was an ‘Asian style mystical type’.

Why make that generic choice?

We are in A Galaxy far far Away. It was just so lazy a choice for him. His character and his mate were a really disappointing duo.

As for the rest of the ‘band’?

There were too many characters and not enough time spent with them to get a handle on who they were… and more importantly, to actually care about them.

Also, Jyn’s mother? What was her motivation in taking out the gun to threaten Krennic?

Why did she do this?

I thought she must have some plan… but no. Nothing.

Did she want to get herself killed and leave Jyn parentless? It sure seemed like it.

A dumb move that I didn’t understand.

And I hate Mexican standoffs. Generic nonsense that infests nearly every movie and TV show.

The Stormtroopers/guards would have shot her dead where she stood.

Let’s move on to Saw Gerrera. A total waste of Forest Whitaker.

He was only there to excite the fanboys, not to further the plot. And what happened to his blue eyes?

Other cameos were awkwardly tacked on.

I found myself sighing at all these sad ‘nods’ to other characters. E.g. C-3PO and R2-D2 shoehorned in for fan service.

The movie didn’t need them.

They reminded me I was watching a film, and it jarred.

Characters I liked

K-2SO was the one character I loved. A wonderful change from the other Star Wars—a droid who can shoot! Bringing both humor and some great action to the film.

To be honest, K-2SO was the best thing in it.

Overall there was a lack of comedy—integral to get us liking and caring about the main players.

Grand Moff Tarkin was excellent. What a shame we didn’t get more from him. Although he wasn’t that wonderfully rendered. But neither was Leia for that matter.

 Galen Erso hologram
Convenient cheese…

I also liked Jyn’s dad, Galen Erso, although his holo-speech monologue was both rushed and too convenient.

Plot

Plots don’t always have to make sense if the characters are strong enough to carry the story.

But without believable, interesting characters, the plot holes shine through like bright fucking lights.

What I liked was:

The explanation for the exhaust ports on the Death Star.

The Jeddha explosion and the other planet explosions.

It picked up near the end with the Rebel spaceships. It was like Star Wars arrived with their ships.

But the things that jarred were:

The whole first act didn’t feel like Star Wars but more like some Homeland Baghdad episode.

A giant octopus that can send you mad, got one scene.

Why?

The guy who was ‘sent mad’, was only mad for a little bit.

The Empire keeping all their stuff on a single disk (no backup procedures? Haha).

The TV dish on the top of the tower…

Doc Brown - Back To The Future
Been done before and better

The silly master switch.

The ‘Doc Brown wire that is too short’ sequence. I’ve seen it before in Back To The Future.

It was great in that movie. Here it’s just an embarrassing, cringe-worthy repeat.

The rebels assaulting the tower wearing WWII styled helmets reminiscent of US troops in the  Pacific—again, hardly A Galaxy Far Far Away.

Too many storm troopers being shot and blown up that it became tedious.

The final couple of scenes were something taken from Star Wars Battlefront and again, tacked on.

And Darth Vader didn’t look or sound like himself—he didn’t connect with me as being ‘real Darth Vader’.

Why?

Darth Vader
Just too bad ass!

Because the Darth Vader we see at the end of Rogue One is not the Darth Vader we meet in A New Hope. In Rogue One he’s all fucking lightsabre badass. Killing rebs all over the place.

A scene for the fanboys.

He takes on an army all by himself without even breaking a sweat. He’s nothing like the Vader we meet in the next movie. It jarred with me so completely as to ruin his ‘return’.

Just utter fanboy nonsense—like the manic Yoda fighting Count Dooku in the prequels.

And I don’t understand the need to fill in every single gap of the pre-A New Hope narrative.

Last bits

I’m the kinda guy who loves to watch Star Wars movies over and over—but not so much the prequels.

I’ve watched the original trilogy hundreds of times, particularly The Empire Strikes Back.

After watching The Force Awakens, I saw it at the cinema as many times as I could.

I only watched Rogue One a second time because I hadn’t seen what everyone else had and I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t missed something.

If I’d seen this before Force Awakens, I’d probably have been a lot happier with it. But it was a confused movie that failed to develop its main characters.

I was hoping it would find its feet, yet it never did.

I’ve read reviews where they say this is a ‘more dark’ Star Wars.

To my way of thinking, The Force Awakens was very dark. Han Solo killed by his son dark. Good vs Fucking Evil dark.

All the greys of Rogue One added up to a grey film. I wanted to be transported away from my life and taken somewhere fucking amazing and special—like a good Star wars movie should do. But Rogue One wanted to remind me of the Middle-east, the Second World and Star Wars Battlefront.

All these things just added up to keep me from suspending my disbelief. Lots of jarring moments where I was asking ‘why’?

So, what to end on?

Despite all the hope and the hype, the movie isn’t that great. Remove the Star Wars universe and the tiresome fanboy bits and no one would be talking about this three star (just) film at all.

Sorry, but it is what it is… *braces for flack!*

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