Yup. Brits can't stop talking about the weather anyway so its impossible to avoid but so bloody pointless. I also hate being asked questions about me and I'm really curious about other people so I generally end up sounding like an inquisitor.

I forget when people say 'how are you?' that what I'm required to say is 'fine' - not give a full medical history. I also like reciting facts and/or venturing an opinion. All pretty fatal in the small talk arena. But I just don't know what to say, or I just die from the utter banality of it all. Sometimes I just say silly things on purpose. Or make 'jokes'.

What sort of small talk? Nice weather we are having ? Do you come here often? Did you see Brighton play at home last week?

What do you do? How long have you been living in Brighton? And my favourite, after I'd stumbled through a few questions, 'what Antivirus software would You recommend?' - I had a camera up my arse FFS! I didn't even bother answering that one 😂

I know it's difficult, but they are trying to take your mind off the procedure. Just say I prefer not to talk. Here colonoscopies are done with general anaesthetic.

Fascinated to learn that even medical staff, on sticking a camera up your backside, then immediately decide (presumably based on visual evidence) to engage you in conversation. Many of us have held for years that you talk out of your arse. Now, Doctors agree. Win.

I'm a nurse. A District Nurse-got the qualification and everything- hate small talk. Hated it when the late hubby was ill, hate it when colleagues try it on people.

I don't know what ASD is. Is it some kind of corner shop trying to undercut ASDA?