K.J.Heritage

K.J.Heritage is a UK author of mystery/crime sci-fi and epic fantasy—all with a strong emphasis on action and adventure and occasionally a little humour. Find out more

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1 day ago

KJ Heritage

Well done @Brighton_Little Theatre for my play: Man in a Room & to the lead actors who had to memorise all those lines! A fantastic night. Well done everyone ❤️❤️❤️ ... See MoreSee Less

Well done @Brighton_Little Theatre for my play: Man in a Room & to the lead actors who had to memorise all those lines! A fantastic night. Well done everyone ❤️❤️❤️

 

Comment on Facebook

The Midlands hon. Bring it to the Midlands x

2 weeks ago

Rob Storer

New star trek discovery is amazing ! ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

2 episodes in ..and this is what star trek is meant to be 😁

I like it too. It's so different from all other Star Treks. I like that it's episodic. I'm anxious to see where it's going and how they will incorporate the Klingons.

I love it so far. But episode 4 did leave me wondering if the quality might be starting to drop. Hope not!

Just finished the third ep. I have something to talk about but am worried about spoiling it for anyone. I hate spoilers.

Go on then

Just styart with 'WARNING SPOILERS'

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS. It completely blew my mind that Michael is Spock's foster sister.

And Sarek seems to be nicer to Michael than he is to Spock (as we know) so wondering what Michael does to make Sarek change

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2 days ago

KJ Heritage

Had my flu jab. Sent me out like a light. Woke up stumbling around with a headache and an intense desire for human flesh. Also seem to be suffering from some kind of skin condition... ... See MoreSee Less

Had my flu jab. Sent me out like a light. Woke up stumbling around with a headache and an intense desire for human flesh. Also seem to be suffering from some kind of skin condition...

 

Comment on Facebook

Suddenly I’ve gone off my lunch, lol. 🙈🙈🙈

Me before coffee!

A nice cup of tea sorted me out... mostly

2 days ago

KJ Heritage

Has anyone seen my TARDIS? I parked it somewhere in 1962... ... See MoreSee Less

Has anyone seen my TARDIS? I parked it somewhere in 1962...

5 days ago

KJ Heritage

Just watched naturalist Chris Packham’s program ‘Asperger's and Me’. Having been diagnosed with autism in March this year - after a lifetime of struggling with the social world and all my many, many odd thoughts, behaviours, disabling anxieties, and other difficulties - it was like someone switching on a light. Nice to see Chris Packham being so open about the condition. I’ve not overtly broadcast my diagnosis, although a few people know. To be honest, I’ve been very angry and it's a taken this last six months to accept it properly. I’ve never believed in excuses but knowing about my condition has allowed me to contextualise many of the things that have always perplexed me. Luckily, I’m high-functioning - one of the 14% with autism who can hold down a full-time job. And I have found the loverly Suzanne who amazingly doesn’t seem to notice my multitudinous flaws. I suppose I’m coming to terms with it and the effect it’s had on my life. But, unlike Chris, I think I would get rid of it if I could. But it’s still all a bit raw. Maybe that will change with time. If you’ve not seen the programme, it's on BBC iPlayer - BBC2 - I’d certainly take a look. ... See MoreSee Less

Just watched naturalist Chris Packham’s program ‘Aspergers and Me’. Having been diagnosed with autism in March this year - after a lifetime of struggling with the social world and all my many, many odd thoughts, behaviours, disabling anxieties, and other difficulties - it was like someone switching on a light. Nice to see Chris Packham being so open about the condition. I’ve not overtly broadcast my diagnosis, although a few people know. To be honest, I’ve been very angry and its a taken this last six months to accept it properly. I’ve never believed in excuses but knowing about my condition has allowed me to contextualise many of the things that have always perplexed me. Luckily, I’m high-functioning - one of the 14% with autism who can hold down a full-time job. And I have found the loverly Suzanne who amazingly doesn’t seem to notice my multitudinous flaws. I suppose I’m coming to terms with it and the effect it’s had on my life. But, unlike Chris, I think I would get rid of it if I could. But it’s still all a bit raw. Maybe that will change with time. If you’ve not seen the programme, its on BBC iPlayer - BBC2 - I’d certainly take a look.

 

Comment on Facebook

Watched this on iPlayer last night. I don’t know very much about it, (have a little knowledge from chats with my sister in law as my nephew has autism). It was truly enlightening. I admire both yours and Mr Packhams openness and honesty on Aspergers and autism - more awareness and understanding can only be a good thing. 👍👍👍

As the wife of an aspie, this documentary really got to me because it was so candid and his bravery in making it is immense. My husband is 51 and had his diagnosis about 2 years ago and still gets the feelings of anger occasionally, although he is slowly coming to terms with it. Much love Kevdude. X

Thanks for your openness Kev! I think more people should talk about it! You have all my support! 🍀❤️💪

So glad you posted this, I'd been meaning to watch it. I am being assessed for Asperger's later this month and need to have my dad with me when I go. Unfortunately he had a stroke a couple of weeks ago. So I guess I need to ring them and explain.

Dude, it’s not autism - you’re from Ripon aren’t you? Ha ha. I’m just about to watch this. He’s fascinated me for years. I finally realised why when he ‘came out’ a couple of years back. I know your anger. I felt massively let down by the education system for a start. As for pursuing my assessment, I felt like some kind of circus animal having to jump through hoops. My first ‘case worker’ suggested I may be a spoilt child who has never grown up. That was followed by being given wrong, potentially life-threatening information. That’s when I started kicking doors down rather than knocking at them. Anyway, you’re just as unusual as you suspected. Welcome to the club!

Lots of love KJ Heritage. Hope all is well.

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Now watching Singing in the Rain 😀😀😀☔️☔️☔️ ... See MoreSee Less

Now watching Singing in the Rain 😀😀😀☔️☔️☔️

 

Comment on Facebook

Classic. Love it.

I watched it for the first time last week. Incredible film, even if that extended dance number near the end about the budding dancer made little sense to the overall story. If you have the DVD, it's well-worth watching it again with the optional inspirational segments.

One of my favorites!

1 week ago

KJ Heritage

My play 'Man In A Room' is on in at the Brighton Little Theatre next week in a Double Bill with only one of my favourite playwrights of all time: Joe Orton!!

Get your tickets here: brightonlittletheatre.ticketline.co.uk/newatthelittle-double-bill-the-ruffian-on-the-stair-and-ma...
... See MoreSee Less

My play Man In A Room is on in at the Brighton Little Theatre next week in a Double Bill with only one of my favourite playwrights of all time: Joe Orton!! 

Get your tickets here: https://brightonlittletheatre.ticketline.co.uk/newatthelittle-double-bill-the-ruffian-on-the-stair-and-man-in-a-room

 

Comment on Facebook

Saw this play in Liverpool and really enjoyed watching it. Great work Kev 😊

You have a play?! Nice work! I will see if I can get down!!

Get tickets fast. they selling like warm buns

A man of many parts....and some of them still working! Well done Kev!

2 weeks ago

Bella Hansen

Just a Reminder to watch Today's Episode
Star Trek Discovery
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Comment on Facebook

Thank u ! I nearly forgot 😁

Watched it. I have to say, it was the weakest episode of them all so far. Some nonsense about a spore drive and the creature from last week. And the Klingon stuff was black and white. All a bit silly and poorly thought out. Didn’t believe any of it. Hoping it’s just a one-off. Will watch again tho just to be sure! 😀

2 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Nice..

George Takei
Cuddle at your own risk.

via In The Know
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2 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Sit on my face.. ... See MoreSee Less

Sit on my face..

 

Comment on Facebook

I want some, with a picture of someone with their tongue out! 😀

2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Harrogate Cinema, in England ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

True advertising.

2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

UNILAD Tech
This makes so much sense, life explained like a video game... 🤔 😂

by Casually Explained
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2 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

🐇🐢

David Schneider
Well, that settles that....

(source: twitter.com/RodriguezDaGod/status/916096098577666048)
... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Hahaha!

Slow and steady wins the race!

2 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Ahem.. ... See MoreSee Less

Ahem..

 

Comment on Facebook

Haha! Who goes to them anymore? I’ve not been in one for years - except to vote the Tories out as it’s my local polling station. Must make the effort. I used to live in them as a kid

Brilliant 😂

The last time I was in my local library was about a year ago. Now I go to their website and take out books, audio books, magazines, comics and movies online.

2 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Finally read ‘Ready Player One’ by Ernest Cline. *Minor spoilers* A really interesting book, brilliant in many ways, and a page-turning read but the ending? A bit of a let down... It was what I was expecting but with no ‘fireworks’ - if that makes any sense? And a little sentimental. I’d recommend it though. Very much so. It was like reading the history of my own life’s interests and obsessions - all the films, fantasy role playing games and video games that I’ve loved. Thoughts from anyone who’s also read it? ... See MoreSee Less

Finally read ‘Ready Player One’ by Ernest Cline. *Minor spoilers* A really interesting book, brilliant in many ways, and a page-turning read but the ending? A bit of a let down... It was what I was expecting but with no ‘fireworks’ - if that makes any sense? And a little sentimental. I’d recommend it though. Very much so. It was like reading the history of my own life’s interests and obsessions - all the films, fantasy role playing games and video games that I’ve loved. Thoughts from anyone who’s also read it?

3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Daily Planet
This isn’t your average invention, but then again Al Stahler isn’t your average inventor
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3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

‪Just watched #StarTrekDiscovery Episode 3. It’s superb on many levels. Mainly the characters. Loved it. Lots going on. Lots to think about😀‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪Just watched #StarTrekDiscovery Episode 3. It’s superb on many levels. Mainly the characters. Loved it. Lots going on. Lots to think about😀‬

 

Comment on Facebook

yes, I think it's going to be pretty cool. too bad everyone has to have an American accent, though. getting tired of that ---

It bugged me a bit at the end 😉 That certainly wasn't S.T. style, not "main line", some episodes had in all S.T. Series, so that was unusual But over all I liked very much despite a little thing at the end

Great ep. Gorey for Trek though!

It was a bit like a horror movie I thought

that bug thing looks like a giant flea--had blood sucking mouth parts, too

'Grown up' Star Trek I hope! There's enough sci-fi pap out there for the kids. But its sadly not quite 'Game of Thrones in space'

not the obviously fake monsters on original Star Trek, that's for sure. bug reminded me of the bugs in "Starship Troopers" --

Sonequa Martin-Green has a lot of personal gravitas--very evident in "Walking Dead" --so expecting more of that

I love First Officer Saru - he's very interesting. Love his hoofed feet. And Rekha Sharma (Commander Landry - head of security) is one to watch as well. And Jason Isaacs is just class. I'm intrigued to find out who he is... he's certainly the most creepiest captain so far

Also looking forward to see Rainne Wilson in what I'm guessing must be a younger version of Harry (Harcourt) Mudd 😀

Star Trek should not aspire to be "Game of Thrones" style since it isn't what S.T is sbout And if you want "Zombies" out in space, watch "Firefly" then weep and watch "Serenity" and become angry 😛 Saru has some good burns that's for sure I am still not sure what to think of it, I do like it and it is definetely better than Star Trek Enterprise But is it Star Trek? Not yet other than the names of spaceships and ranks etc But I do hope it will get there, it has a lot of going for it Michael has an execellent blend of Kirk & Spock so far, but we still need a whole character being a Spock/Data/Tuvok/Odo/Seven of Nine among other missed characters

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3 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Just sayin' ... See MoreSee Less

Just sayin

 

Comment on Facebook

I shall be watching this space for more Stormtrooper revelations.

Scary

3 weeks ago

Jeroen Veldhuis

Egg.... anyone?Wie heeft er trek in een lekker eitje? ... See MoreSee Less

Egg.... anyone?

Comment on Facebook

Naa, it's to soft 😛

Ew!

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Watched the first two episodes of Star Trek Discovery on Netflix. Brilliant production values and an intense opening. It’s like no Star Trek TV series that’s boldly gone before. 8/10 from me so far. ... See MoreSee Less

Watched the first two episodes of Star Trek Discovery on Netflix. Brilliant production values and an intense opening. It’s like no Star Trek TV series that’s boldly gone before. 8/10 from me so far.

 

Comment on Facebook

Cheers dude I'll look it up 😁

There is a bit of Kirk in Michael, isn't there? I love that they returned to an instrumental intro unlike the S.T. Enterprise, which I only bothered to watch a few episodes of. This one has a lot more potential IMO

I have watched all the series, and the first episodes always require some faith. This one has fantastic production values; let's see if the rest follows.

I’ll watch it all anyway 😀

I thought it was well done even though it's in the "getting to know you" stage. It's definitely the darker side of Star Trek.

The head writer says the first series is gonna be all war and then series two and onwards is gonna be more a trad let’s see what’s out there kinda thing

Completely agree.

That sounds interesting, like re-occupying the territory overwhelmed by too many gung-ho pretenders over the years, in thrall to Cameron's Aliens. I'm just about to watch this for first time. No spoilers plz ☺️

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Great weekend for Vatic. Number one bestseller in #SciFi, Mystery and Private Detective categories in both Canada and Australia 😀😀😀 Get your 0.99 copy before Tues smarturl.it/vatic ... See MoreSee Less

Great weekend for Vatic. Number one bestseller in #SciFi, Mystery and Private Detective categories in both Canada and Australia 😀😀😀 Get your 0.99 copy before Tues http://smarturl.it/vatic

3 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Ha, ha..

VT
"I don't know what to do..."

Credit: Comic Relief
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3 weeks ago

K.J. Heritage Writerer

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3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Vatic at Number Two slot - Science Fiction, Canada 😀 ... See MoreSee Less

Vatic at Number Two slot - Science Fiction, Canada 😀

 

Comment on Facebook

Well done KJ Heritage

Everyone loves a No. 2 slot! Wot?

I'll take it

3 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

“The best thing since Hugh Howey’s Wool! Prepare to lose sleep reading Vatic! Delicious Sci-Fiction!”
–Kate Danley, US TODAY bestselling author

Vatic #scifi #noir mystery now only 0.99 or similar in UK, Canada, Aus & India! Get your copy now! smarturl.it/vatic
... See MoreSee Less

“The best thing since Hugh Howey’s Wool! Prepare to lose sleep reading Vatic! Delicious Sci-Fiction!”
–Kate Danley, US TODAY bestselling author 

Vatic #scifi #noir mystery now only 0.99 or similar in UK, Canada, Aus & India! Get your copy now! http://smarturl.it/vatic

 

Comment on Facebook

On my kindle now 😊

4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

Got my new Kindle 6” Paperwhite Hi-Res with backlight today after my old one died 😢 It’s bloody lovely 😀 So what are you? Book or e-reader? ... See MoreSee Less

Got my new Kindle 6” Paperwhite Hi-Res with backlight today after my old one died 😢 It’s bloody lovely 😀 So what are you? Book or e-reader?

 

Comment on Facebook

I love my books but I got a kindle so I could download your books !! So really kindle should give u a huge discount as i bought mine because of u... I do find it hugely convenient for holidays reading and taking to work ...but ... I love the feel and look of books more 😁

I’ve moved on from books... the horror!

I can't let go ....its a compulsion !! 😲

I like my own books as actual books. They sit next to Frank Herbert on my shelf.

Both. If I'm reading in bed it tends to be on the kindle as its kinder on my ageing wrists (and lit so don't need a bright lamp on). I do love a book though, like Rob - I can't let go either.

I have some Edgar Rice-Boroughs including a first edition all of which smell of old books .. . It's an emotive smell and feel to the old paper .... I believe the smell is a form of mould that affects old books tho 😲

I've got a Voyage. It's a thing of beauty.

I’ve still got my original Kindle - probably 6 / 7 years old. I only buy real books that are non-fiction - the sort I need to flip back and forth to different sections or have a lot of diagrams. Can’t do that so easily on a kindle. I love buying a kindle book and reading it straight away!

one thing--reading an ereader in be seems to disrupt my sleep pattern, so avoid, if can!

meant to say, in bed

I'm reading a physical book at the moment. I keep wanting to tap the page to check the definition of a word.

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4 weeks ago

KJ Heritage

I haven't killed off any characters in ages. Starting to get a bit restless *sharpens knives* ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

I always stand by a windy tree for the best effect...

Those farts can be terrible...

4 weeks ago

Rosie Ruston

Innit! ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Tea

BBC Three
Liam Gallagher making tea is the best thing you'll see today.
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Comment on Facebook

The sweariest making tea ever! 😂🤐

Tea!

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪Now watching Philip K Dick inspired 'Electric Dreams' - one of my favourite authors. Let's hope channel 4 do a good job...‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪Now watching Philip K Dick inspired Electric Dreams - one of my favourite authors. Lets hope channel 4 do a good job...‬

 

Comment on Facebook

want to see this!

‪Electric Dreams Episode One - 'The Hoodmaker' - so far so good 😀‬

Yep we are giving it a go... Will reconvene later 😊

What did you think? I enjoyed it mostly, except that visually, in parts it looked like a cheap Blade Runner knockoff with Cortinas instead of flying cars 😂

My favourite Philip K Dick quote

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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

#ScienceFiction and #Fantasy Fans - Get FREE books and win a Kindle Fire or one of two $25 Amazon Gift Cards www.pktyler.com/specfic/ ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Happy birthday! 🍻🍻🍻 ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪Drink it up! Things are getting pretty exciting in my world... #NewFloor‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪Drink it up! Things are getting pretty exciting in my world... #NewFloor‬

1 month ago

Rosie Ruston

👐 ... See MoreSee Less

👐

Comment on Facebook

I have been the victim of a few "death grips"..unpleasant and painful!

Please don't come on here teaching women how to do manly handshakes. It is the last manly bastion of things we do better than you. Has the assault by women kind come to this now? 😀

Always keep eye contact - just for the eroticism of the moment. And ALWAYS wear a hat.

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪The idea to get Quick-Kill 3 started has just popped into my head. Thank you subconscious 😀‬ ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

KJ Heritage

‪If music be the food of love, what be the food of hate? I'd certainly nominate celery...‬ ... See MoreSee Less

‪If music be the food of love, what be the food of hate? Id certainly nominate celery...‬

 

Comment on Facebook

Shellfish (allergic) and blue cheese (because it's rank)

Butter beans!!!! 😣😖🤐

It's actually a close contest between coffee revels and butter beans for me.

Anything with cinnamon in it.

Love a warm cinnamon roll.

Mushrooms are the devil's arse biscuits.

Celery or kidney.

Cod roe, the thing that comes in a tin, then sliced and fried. It induces a vomit reflex in me!

PS: I like celery, esp with hummus dip.

oh noooo...I love celery.....

celery has no taste---I eat it with peanut butter

An interesting fact about celery is that you expend more calories digesting it than you get from digesting it. So good as a dieting tool, but only for masochists...

yes, I've been aware of that fact since childhood---my mother was always making me diet

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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Check out the Gravity City anthology's writers other stuff!

Christopher Valin - Sidekick - a.co/bGJfsmU
Michael Ezell - Smiley - a.co/3mLMh0a
Monica Enderle Pierce - Girl Under Glass - a.co/foL0KCz
Deborah Kappes-Cassidy - The Sleepless - a.co/4V5aIxi
Caroline A. Gill - Flying Away - a.co/6Pa9iEo
Stephen Lomer - Typo Squad - a.co/6gTp3Sp
KJ Heritage - Quick Kill and the Galactic Secret Service - a.co/fUFz9wc
Artie Cabrera - I'M NOT DEAD - a.co/2aD5Mx5
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1 month ago

KJ Heritage

Off to a diner party as someone's guest and don't know anyone else. Didn't know it was a dinner party either. Small talk. Hates it. Stressed out. 😱 ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Covertly take the micky out of the other guests so that only u know it's happening! Amuse yourself 😁

Could work in your favour not knowing anybody, easier to get them to jabber on about themselves

Hmm u could just ask everyone what the do for a living ... I still think some form of Mickey taking is more fun ..

In the taxi now. Doomed man

You will be fine Kev... I was not feeling at all sociable last night but pushed myself in to a game of 6 a side football with workmates .. I'm now a cripple but I'm glad I did it ... Even tho at the time I did not want to be around people ...

Ooh I feel your awkward in this, not my bag either. Just enjoy the free food is all I can offer up, (no good advice sadly!)

No useful advice but there must be an F1 fan there x

Be yourself and you'll (1) have a good time or (2) be home soon 💪

Still here. Have talked to three people. Haha

I hear ya. I'm the worst, especially with other dudes, I just zone out as soon as sport is mentioned and disappear into the shadows.

Without blowing smoke up your arse, I can't imagine a better person to bump into at a dinner party. I always found you charming company who led conversations on a great range of topics. Your asd gives you a skewed view of how others perceive you 😊.

a lot of people are socially awkward, me included. but I'm a loud mouthy introvert, so there's that.

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2 months ago

KJ Heritage

My daily 1,500 words leapt out my fingers this morning unlike yesterday's painful wrenching. Ack!

Vatic Book 2 'Ariadne' Draft One will be finished sometime this week 😀

I've finally joined up with my ending I wrote first all those months ago. A few minor changes needed - it's a different bad guy now/or gal! - and Draft 2 will be on its way...

Draft 2 is my favourite bit where I can add all that 'polish' - haha - or the 'flim flam' as it's also known.

Here's the provisional cover. The strapline is changing btw...
... See MoreSee Less

My daily 1,500 words leapt out my fingers this morning unlike yesterdays painful wrenching. Ack!

Vatic Book 2 Ariadne Draft One will be finished sometime this week 😀

Ive finally joined up with my ending I wrote first all those months ago. A few minor changes needed - its a different bad guy now/or gal! - and Draft 2 will be on its way...

Draft 2 is my favourite bit where I can add all that polish - haha - or the flim flam as its also known.

Heres the provisional cover. The strapline is changing btw...

2 months ago

KJ Heritage

Lovely 5 Star review for Quick-Kill and the Galactic Secret Service: "Quick-Kill is a joy ride from page one as wise-cracking, tough-as-nails Quick-Kill Jane grabs your attention from first to last. Brilliant, well-written and most fun book I've enjoyed for years!" - and it's still free: smarturl.it/quick-kill ... See MoreSee Less

 

Comment on Facebook

Just read it on the plane home ... cracking read Kev !

2 months ago

KJ Heritage

There are days when the writing leaps out of my fingertips with little or no effort 😍

And then there are days like today when every bloody word is wrenched, kicking and screaming from the ether 😡

Grr!
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2 months ago

KJ Heritage

The Death of Stalin
Comrades! Celebrate the first ever trailer for The Death of Stalin, from our great leader Armando Iannucci. Escape your censored social(ist) newsfeed to watch the full trailer here: www.DeathOfStalin.co.uk
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2 months ago

KJ Heritage

Presently in the 'I hate this story I'm working on... it's utter rubbish' phase. Always a pleasant place to be 😦😦😦 ... See MoreSee Less

Comment on Facebook

Oh, how I know that phase! Like walking through a lovely garden--covered in thorns and swarming with bees....

...Barefoot, with added broken glass and those are not bees... they're mutant killer asshole wasps!

And somehow the wasps are salting the earth and covering the glass in lemon-juice...

A tea, a walk, a stare at a tree for a bit... and then come back. You'll still hate it, but those things are good for the rest of your brain. 😉 Just finish it. Then your editor can deal with its problems. 😂

I have finished it and still don't like it. Gonna give it a week. Take another look and it's over to you.

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ROGUE ONE – Too Many Whys

MAJOR SPOILERS! This is not some rant at a Star Wars movie. I’m a huge Star Wars fan and always will be. I really wanted to like Rogue One, but, for me, it was a confused mess that made little sense throughout. The problem? Too many whys.

I’ve now seen it again, hoping that my first viewing was just an off day or something. But if anything, I liked it even less.

Characters I didn’t get/like

None of the main characters jelled with me as they did in The Force Awakens.

Rogue One just didn’t work at the character level.

Unlike Rey and Finn, I got no sense of ‘who Jyn was’. She seemed a very flat character who I never got a handle on. Which was problematic as the story arc involves her influencing hard-nosed soldiers to follow her.

And as for Cassian? He lacked depth, charm and believability. Nearly everything he did was odds with who he was supposed to be—a calloused field agent.

And why didn’t Cassias pull the trigger to kill Jyn’s father, Galen Erso?

If he was this hard-nosed assassin type, he’d have no trouble following orders like this in the field.

And, importantly, there was no preceding scene to cement a relationship between Cassian and Jyn to prevent him pulling the trigger.

Jyn and Cassia - no sparks
No sparks here

Both characters were not portrayed deeply enough to justify their lead roles.

The ‘relationship’ between the two didn’t have time to blossom. Things simply moved too rapidly from one event to the next.

Also, why didn’t Jyn kill Director Orson Krennic when she had the chance on the tower?

Krennic killed Jyn’s mother and forced her father to create weapons of mass destruction.

Yet she allows Cassius to stop her doing this.

Just why would Cassian stop her?

He’s supposed to be a cold-blooded killer (we saw that in his first scene), so there’s no reason why he’d miss an opportunity to kill such a high-ranking member of the enemy.

Deep Impact - Tsunami Wave - Rogue One
Deep Impact – hold on tight Jyn

Why is Cassian indestructible?

He should have died during his epic fall inside the tower. His head hit the metal beams.

He must’ve had broken bones or at least broken ribs, but he bounces back as if nothing’s happened.

Why?

Because I think he was supposed to die and they brought him back for the different ending with Tea Leoni  and her father waiting to die on the beach, as they did in the movie, Deep Impact.

A lot has been written about the inclusion of ‘Asian characters’ in Rogue One.

I have no problem with racial types, aliens, women, homosexuality or gay, bright blue, furry xenomorphs in fiction, movies or any media.

Humans, like aliens, are fucking diverse. I love all that stuff.

But the Asian characters seemed to be added just for ‘effect’.

Chirrut Imre was dressed in Asian style. And was an ‘Asian style mystical type’.

Why make that generic choice?

We are in A Galaxy far far Away. It was just so lazy a choice for him. His character and his mate were a really disappointing duo.

As for the rest of the ‘band’?

There were too many characters and not enough time spent with them to get a handle on who they were… and more importantly, to actually care about them.

Also, Jyn’s mother? What was her motivation in taking out the gun to threaten Krennic?

Why did she do this?

I thought she must have some plan… but no. Nothing.

Did she want to get herself killed and leave Jyn parentless? It sure seemed like it.

A dumb move that I didn’t understand.

And I hate Mexican standoffs. Generic nonsense that infests nearly every movie and TV show.

The Stormtroopers/guards would have shot her dead where she stood.

Let’s move on to Saw Gerrera. A total waste of Forest Whitaker.

He was only there to excite the fanboys, not to further the plot. And what happened to his blue eyes?

Other cameos were awkwardly tacked on.

I found myself sighing at all these sad ‘nods’ to other characters. E.g. C-3PO and R2-D2 shoehorned in for fan service.

The movie didn’t need them.

They reminded me I was watching a film, and it jarred.

Characters I liked

K-2SO was the one character I loved. A wonderful change from the other Star Wars—a droid who can shoot! Bringing both humor and some great action to the film.

To be honest, K-2SO was the best thing in it.

Overall there was a lack of comedy—integral to get us liking and caring about the main players.

Grand Moff Tarkin was excellent. What a shame we didn’t get more from him. Although he wasn’t that wonderfully rendered. But neither was Leia for that matter.

 Galen Erso hologram
Convenient cheese…

I also liked Jyn’s dad, Galen Erso, although his holo-speech monologue was both rushed and too convenient.

Plot

Plots don’t always have to make sense if the characters are strong enough to carry the story.

But without believable, interesting characters, the plot holes shine through like bright fucking lights.

What I liked was:

The explanation for the exhaust ports on the Death Star.

The Jeddha explosion and the other planet explosions.

It picked up near the end with the Rebel spaceships. It was like Star Wars arrived with their ships.

But the things that jarred were:

The whole first act didn’t feel like Star Wars but more like some Homeland Baghdad episode.

A giant octopus that can send you mad, got one scene.

Why?

The guy who was ‘sent mad’, was only mad for a little bit.

The Empire keeping all their stuff on a single disk (no backup procedures? Haha).

The TV dish on the top of the tower…

Doc Brown - Back To The Future
Been done before and better

The silly master switch.

The ‘Doc Brown wire that is too short’ sequence. I’ve seen it before in Back To The Future.

It was great in that movie. Here it’s just an embarrassing, cringe-worthy repeat.

The rebels assaulting the tower wearing WWII styled helmets reminiscent of US troops in the  Pacific—again, hardly A Galaxy Far Far Away.

Too many storm troopers being shot and blown up that it became tedious.

The final couple of scenes were something taken from Star Wars Battlefront and again, tacked on.

And Darth Vader didn’t look or sound like himself—he didn’t connect with me as being ‘real Darth Vader’.

Why?

Darth Vader
Just too bad ass!

Because the Darth Vader we see at the end of Rogue One is not the Darth Vader we meet in A New Hope. In Rogue One he’s all fucking lightsabre badass. Killing rebs all over the place.

A scene for the fanboys.

He takes on an army all by himself without even breaking a sweat. He’s nothing like the Vader we meet in the next movie. It jarred with me so completely as to ruin his ‘return’.

Just utter fanboy nonsense—like the manic Yoda fighting Count Dooku in the prequels.

And I don’t understand the need to fill in every single gap of the pre-A New Hope narrative.

Last bits

I’m the kinda guy who loves to watch Star Wars movies over and over—but not so much the prequels.

I’ve watched the original trilogy hundreds of times, particularly The Empire Strikes Back.

After watching The Force Awakens, I saw it at the cinema as many times as I could.

I only watched Rogue One a second time because I hadn’t seen what everyone else had and I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t missed something.

If I’d seen this before Force Awakens, I’d probably have been a lot happier with it. But it was a confused movie that failed to develop its main characters.

I was hoping it would find its feet, yet it never did.

I’ve read reviews where they say this is a ‘more dark’ Star Wars.

To my way of thinking, The Force Awakens was very dark. Han Solo killed by his son dark. Good vs Fucking Evil dark.

All the greys of Rogue One added up to a grey film. I wanted to be transported away from my life and taken somewhere fucking amazing and special—like a good Star wars movie should do. But Rogue One wanted to remind me of the Middle-east, the Second World and Star Wars Battlefront.

All these things just added up to keep me from suspending my disbelief. Lots of jarring moments where I was asking ‘why’?

So, what to end on?

Despite all the hope and the hype, the movie isn’t that great. Remove the Star Wars universe and the tiresome fanboy bits and no one would be talking about this three star (just) film at all.

Sorry, but it is what it is… *braces for flack!*

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